What Food Beards Want

Food. After bearding it is the most important aim in life: find food, eat food, find more food, eat more food.

First came foraging then hunting then herding then industrial agriculture and now mass producing and mass processing.

But most of us didn’t have anything to do with that. We drive, work, eat, sleep and fuck all with little care for what our distant ancestors dedicated the majority of their lives trying to sustain. And the three times a day when food does become a priority it isn’t necessarily sustenance that drives our primal urges. 

Yes, the recent years have been the dark ages of food production. Somewhere along the line we decided that taste was more important than nutrients. Most supermarkets have more shelves stocked with variations of sugar than of meat and vegetables.

We jettisoned the good stuff in exchange for boxes of Shapes (although not the awful "new & improved") and microwaved meals. Burgeoning bellies ushered in the peak of the fast food era, greedy for both salt and convenience. ‘Low fat foods’ full of sugar set the benchmark for healthy eating. Obese people now outnumber the starving by nearly double.

Times are changing though. We are starting to give a fuck about what is in food and how it affects us. People are starting to listen to their bodies – attending to their wants and needs instead of drowning them in tasty shit. And sometimes we listen to our beards as well. Because beards know what are good for us and them. 

"The condition of your facial hair directly corresponds to the health of your body," says Jim White, registered dietician and American Dietetic Association spokesman.

"The same nutrients that have a positive effect on our heart and other major organs also benefit our skin and hair."

Basically, your beard is an indicator – the shinier, smoother and healthier it looks, the healthier you are. It is a window into how your body is functioning.

So what nutrients are good for our beards and where do we find them Jim?

Vitamin A

Rich vitamin A foods include sweet potatoes, carrots, fish, liver, and dark leafy greens. Most meat and vegetables that you can imagine a bearded farmer harvesting are probably packed with Vitamin A and will enhance your beard.

Beta Carotene

Think carrot. Think orange/yellow. Eat things that are this colour. Say thank you beard.


Hair basically is protein. So naturally the more protein you eat the more hair you will grow and the stronger it will be. But before you chow straight into the closest steak – think beans, eggs, nuts, spinach, kale or quinoa as they are just as rich in protein as meat, and with a beard that powerful you no longer need to define your masculinity by what you put in your mouth.

B Vitamins

VEGEMITE. Or any of the above foods. They synthesize proteins which help you to grow hair and chill out (which prevents hair loss).

Vitamins C and E

This dynamic duo produce sebum which is a naturally occurring oil that lubricates and moisturises hair, making it look thicker and more lush. Vitamin C also gives your hair growth a boost.

For vitamin C munch citrus fruits, green peppers and broccoli. For E eat wheat germ oil, almonds, sunflower seeds, safflower oil, peanut butter, corn oil, spinach, broccoli, mangoes and spinach.

The crux of all this is: look after your beard but most importantly your body. Learn about the effect food has on your body because literally nothing is more important … except for maybe beards. - Miles Bouchard

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